SCENE: GOTHAM DENNY’S – MORNING
Batman enters the restaurant, spots Bane sitting alone in a two-person booth, and walks over to join him.
BATMAN (sitting down): Hey. You been waiting long?
BANE (touching his ear): What’s that?
BATMAN: I asked if you’ve been waiting long?
BANE: Sorry. Didn’t get a word.
BANE (louder): I said I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
BATMAN: What does she have to do with it?
BATMAN: Can you turn down the reverb on that mask or something?
BANE: Come again.
BATMAN: I said you sound like Sean Connery fucking an AutoTune machine.
BANE: This is crazy. Why are you whispering?
BATMAN: I don’t even know how to whistle.
BANE: No, I said “whispering,” not “whistling.”
BATMAN: Maybe later.
A waitress approaches the two men, pulls out a pencil and order pad and smiles.
WAITRESS: Hey, darlin’. What can I get ya?
BATMAN (smiling): I’ll take a cup of decaf.
WAITRESS: Nice of you to say. Just got it cut on Tuesday.
BATMAN: No, coffee. Decaf coffee.
WAITRESS: I’m sorry to hear that, hon. Losing a pet is always hard.
BATMAN (frustrated): You know what? Just bring me an orange juice and some wheat toast.
WAITRESS: Fair enough. I’ll give you a few more minutes to think about it.
Waitress puts away her pad and walks away.
BANE: That’s just embarrassing.
BATMAN: No, but I heard it might rain.
BANE: Be honest. Are you retarded?
BATMAN: Preaching to the choir, my friend.
BANE: A Denver omelet and a fruit cup.
BATMAN: Does that mask only get AM, cause all I’m hearing is static.
BANE: I’m begging you. Speak up!
BATMAN: Beginning to speed up what?
BANE: I never thought I’d miss that underground prison so much.
BATMAN: Thanks for asking. It’s fast, but the thing just guzzles the gas. I’m getting killed at the pumps.
BATMAN: Very true.
The two men stare at one another in awkward silence.
BANE: How about this? If you take off your mask and speak like an adult, I’ll do the same.
BATMAN: I’ve never been a fan of his music, but to each his own.
BANE: Not sure what that has to do with anything, but not since 1984.
BANE (putting his head in hands): My head hurts.
BATMAN (pointing to his mask): How about we take off our masks?
BANE: Great idea. Wish I’d thought of it.
Batman and Bane carefully remove their masks, place them on the table and clear their throats.
BANE: So, what do you think about all the illegal immigrants.
BATMAN: Can’t stand ’em.
BANE: Me neither.