Searching for innovative ways to attract an increasingly disinterested local fan base, the Minnesota Timberwolves implemented a “Blind Appreciation Night” promotion for Thursday night’s game—a demoralizing 122-64 loss to the Utah Jazz.
The new promotion—the first of its kind in NBA history—provided all blind patrons with free obstructed-view seats, 50% off all misprinted Timberwolves apparel, a private meet-and-greet with a man claiming to be team owner Glen Taylor, and all-you-can-eat Snausages for all seeing-eye dogs in attendance.
“For quite some time now, the Timberwolves have been putting a remarkably unwatchable product out to consumers,” said Melissa Martell, Timberwolves VP of Marketing. “We figured it was time to reach out to a demographic that could enjoy the game without having to actually see the atrocities taking place on the court. After all, hearing bad basketball isn’t nearly as haunting as seeing it.”