Chicago, IL — Wilco frontman Jeff Tweedy has reached an agreement with a Chicago-based catering company to replace each of his microphones with assorted deli sandwiches for the band’s upcoming tour. As part of the six-figure agreement, Tweedy’s mic stand will now be topped with a rotating selection of ham- and turkey-based offerings, each adjusted to the proper height to allow the plump indie-rock legend to take in-song bites with minimal effort.
Designed by Tweedy himself, the new “sandwich mic” is believed to be the first in a series of radical on-stage innovations designed to ensure the increasingly obese musician is never more than eight steps away from food. Other steps include replacing the guts of his amps with potato salad, using guitar strings made of black licorice, and filling his on-stage water bottles with beef gravy.
“There are few things Jeff Tweedy loves more than singing and performing on stage,” said long-time band publicist Monica Swedberg. “As it happens, one of the things he happens to love more is consuming multiple high-fat deli sandwiches in one sitting. Since they have yet to invent a microphone that both tastes good and won’t destroy the lining of a human’s digestive tract, the sandwich mic was the next best choice.”
The band tested Tweedy’s new sandwich mics—with mixed results—during an unscheduled stop in Tulsa, OK on Tuesday. While many die-hard fans in attendance appreciated the band’s continued willingness to experiment with their sound, others decried the sandwich mic’s poor sound quality and the fact that Tweedy’s constant snacking resulted in multiple sandwich mic changes per song.
“It goes without saying that the band sounded off-the-charts instrumentally,” said Gil Bellow, a longtime Wilco fan. “Unfortunately, those sandwiches just didn’t do much for Tweedy’s voice—especially when he’d constantly open them up in the middle of a song to add more mayo.”
Despite pessimism of the move by many industry execs, rock critics have uniformly hailed this latest move as proof of Wilco’s never-ending dedication to pushing the musical envelope.
“There will always be those who harp on artists who stretch music beyond the bounds of mainstream music’s comfort zone,” said Danica Ulster, editor of Rock Sound. “Tweedy has never been afraid to tackle that notion head-on. Incorporating his inability to turn down food of any kind into the band’s live shows is more proof that this guy just gets it. And I’m not just talking about diabetes, although he’s probably gets that, too.”