Pyongyang, North Korea – North Korean leader Kim Jong-il announced Tuesday that his nation is no longer considering military action against South Korea, following a fun-filled date night with his palace cats, Mr. Purrs-a-Lot and Kitty Precious Paws.
North Korea’s most recent threat of action had come after South Korea announced its plans to move forward with previously scheduled military exercises off the west coast of the Korean peninsula. However, Kim’s private screening of Little Fockers with his cats on Monday evening seemed to substantially alter his stance on retaliatory military action against his neighbors to the south.
“As supreme leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, I was ready to move forward with the annihilation of any South Korean entities involved with these aggressive military exercises,” said Kim. “But then I spent an absolutely delightful evening with my kitties laughing at the antics of the honorable Mr. Stiller and Mr. DeNiro. If those two crazy guys can get along, perhaps we can delay the complete and utter destruction of South Korea for a bit.”
Kim, a life-long film enthusiast, recently proclaimed Monday evenings to be “Supreme Date Night” at his palace movie theater. And while western movies are forbidden for the rest of the nation’s populace, Kim has spared no expense in acquiring the newest releases for private screening with his kitties, recently taking in viewings of Black Swan and Tron: Legacy.
State-controlled media based in Pyongyang reported that Kim and his guests all gave Little Fockers favorable reviews, with Mr. Purrs-a-Lot even going as far as to give the film “four kitty paws” (out of a possible four).
While news of Kim Jong-il’s softened stance on South Korean military exercises was well received in the U.S. and other western nations, North Korean military officials were adamant that South Korea and its allies remain firmly in the communist nation’s cross-hairs.
“The people of this great nation rejoice in the fact that our supreme leader enjoyed his restful date night with his supreme kitties,” said DPRK defense minister, Chung Ae-don. “With that said, we must remind the world that our leader’s weakness for kitty kisses does not translate to the geopolitical arena.”