Doctors Discover 40-Year-Old Diesel Engine Lodged In Nick Nolte’s Throat

A surgeon analyzes  a diesel engine shut-off mechanism removed from the lymph nodes of actor Nick Nolte (seen above).

Los Angeles, CA  Nick Nolte is in stable condition following emergency surgery to remove a 70s-era diesel engine that had been mysteriously lodged in his throat for over four decades. The Oscar-nominated actor—widely known for his low, raspy vocal delivery—was reportedly having dinner with friends at Los Angeles hot spot Spago on Wednesday evening when he clutched his throat and began coughing up thick diesel smoke. Upon arrival, EMT personnel discovered a grease-covered Mercedes diesel engine lodged right above Nolte’s larynx. As diners vacated the restaurant, a local mechanic dining at the popular eatery worked with paramedics to sedate Nolte and adjust the oil mixture in his throat engine. While no timetable has been released regarding when the actor will be available to work again, he is expected to be able to resume smoking four packs a day within the week. In related news, Nolte was cited by Los Angeles police prior to surgery for not meeting current California emissions standards. 
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