Veteran Narcissist Asks Millennials to Back the Fuck Off


Cambridge, MA – Complaining that he is unable to get people to applaud him for his modest achievements, local narcissist Gary Monroe has asked millennials in the Greater Boston area to refrain from successfully matching their larger-than-life egos with truly remarkable achievements. “This new generation just doesn’t understand that you don’t need to do great things to consider yourself superior to others,” said Monroe, 44, while working on an unimpressive painting he planned to hang on the lunchroom wall at work uninvited. “When I upload a video on YouTube of me playing basic chords on my guitar, I casually insert the fact into unrelated conversations. When millennials skillfully home-record tight EDM tracks in between volunteer gigs, they stream it for free on two dozen social media platforms and respond to every comment with ‘Just messing around in my free time.’ When I witness a societal ill, I share my unhelpful opinion with strangers at the gym. When millennials witness a societal ill, they write a blog post about a fundraiser they were honored to put together all by themselves and it gets picked up by The Huffington Post. Enough already.” In response to recent complaints, area millennial Josh Hammersman has offered to train older narcissists how to provide an actual positive impact on society while simultaneously shining a light on their humility and altruism. 

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