Al Sharpton Points His Finger at…White Hanes T-Shirts


In our first installment of our “Al Sharpton Points His Finger at…” series, the reverend explores the increasing cost of his favorite white undershirt and the larger implications this has on society.

Hello, my friends,

It’s Thursday, and I’m pissed. I just went to Target to buy some white Hanes undershirts for a trip I’m taking to Barbados to discuss minority education disparities in urban St. Louis, and a 3-pack of crew neck tees cost $12.49. You heard me right. Twelve fuckin’ dollars and forty-nine god-damned cents!

Who the fuck does Hanes think it is? Sure, it’s a quality product that provides a comfortable base layer between my chiseled torso and my $800 dress shirts, but it’s not like they’re woven with the hair of a gold-horned luck dragon. Shit, last time I checked, cotton wasn’t on the endangered species list!

And while I’m at it, why the hell are the black Hanes undershirts on clearance? A 6-pack of XL black v-necks was going for $3.58. Shit, I sell jars of my farts for more than that. Sure, Bill O’Reilly and his kind will say that it’s because the white undershirts are cooler in hot temperatures than the black shirts and tend not to stand out as much underneath lighter color dress shirts. So, yeah, I guess he’d be right. He’s still a racist dick.

Don’t get me wrong, I will end up buying the damn shirts. They’re too comfortable not to grab up a dozen packs for my new condo. But what about the average Joe who can barely afford to feed his children after paying his iPhone bill and getting his Escalade detailed? Are his kids supposed to go hungry just so he can put on a white t-shirt that doesn’t have crusty yellow pit stains? Please.

It’s time the people of this great nation came together and put Hanes on notice. No, Hanes, we will not rest until you recognize the irrefutable right of our citizenry to purchase quality products at an affordable price. Oh, and put more damn elastic in your Comfort-fit tube socks. Those motherfuckers barely stay up on my damn calves after a couple washes. Shit!

Until next time, keep pointing at things.

God bless,
Rev. Sharp

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