Djokovic Celebrates Australian Open Championship By Pooping On Court

Melbourne, Australia  Four-time Australian Open champion Novak Djokovic’s thrilling four-set victory over Olympic gold medalist Andy Murray on Sunday had many in attendance holding their breath. His victory celebration had others wishing they had.

Following his game-winning point against Murray, Djokovic stunned the capacity crowd at Melbourne Park by squatting near the baseline, gripping his racquet tightly in his left handand shitting on the trademark blue playing surface. The only hitch in his celebration occurred when the Serbian champion forgot to pull his shorts down prior to releasing his bowels. 

“I had been preparing so long and hard for the tennis portion of the day, that I let the focus on my celebration slip and forgot to pull down my drawers,” said the playfully dejected Djokovic. “Luckily, the loose shorts I was wearing allowed a few of the smaller nuggets to roll out unencumbered, which eased my mind a bit. After that, I just stretched the fabric away from my legs and let loose the dogs of war.”

While unprepared for Djokovic’s display, tournament officials were able to keep the court relatively clean by having ball boys repeatedly sprint by and scoop up each piece of feces as it hit the ground.

For his part, runner-up Murray responded to the loss—and Djokovic’s unconventional celebration—with the same dignity and grace that has helped transform him into a British hero.

“Like all of the major champions before him, Novak has earned the right to celebrate however he sees fit,” said Murray. “Bjorn Borg used to berate his wife in public after a win. Agassi committed arson after the ’99 French Open. McEnroe would just flat out stab people. For Novak, Novak pooping equals excellence.”

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