1. While C.C. readily admits that second-hand smoke can be extremely harmful to children, he believes first-hand smoke actually stimulates their growth.

2. Due to his addiction to Storage Wars reruns, C.C. is unavailable six nights a week from 6 – 11 p.m.

3. Poison recently announced their biggest reunion tour in over a decade, and you don’t want your children anywhere near that many riverboat casinos and county fairs.

4. Approximately 40% of all drug deals end in violence, and 100% of C.C. Deville’s babysitting jobs end with a drug deal.

5. Rumor has it that the lyrics to “Talk Dirty to Me” tell the story of the first—and only—time C.C. was allowed to babysit his nephew.

6. C.C. hates white people.

7. In 1991, Hit Parader reported that C.C. used children’s tears to give his hair the frizz and body that traditional hairspray could not.

8. C.C. requires children under his watch to speak in Navajo when asking for Go-Gurt.

9. Why hire one aging rock star for $5.75 an hour when the entire line-up of Dokken will work for half the price?

9.5. C.C. Deville’s real name is Bruce Johannesson. Find me a single person who has fond childhood recollections of a babysitter named Bruce. That’s what I thought.