9.5 Reasons Not To Let John Goodman Date Your Mom

King Ralph royalties will barely cover the cable bill

2. Will spend your inheritance on Jack Daniels and Pillsbury Toaster Strudel

3. His audition tape for lead role in Black Swan contains inordinate amount of cursing

4. Insists on only buying jewelry that contains conflict diamonds

5. Has yet to apologize for what he did to those nerds at Adams College

6. Favorite breakfast food is Thanksgiving dinner

7. Reportedly believes in creationist evolution

8. The actor who played DJ on Roseanne still lives with him

9. It’s difficult to fall asleep to Blues Brothers lullabies and shitty harmonica playing

9.5. He prefers to be on top

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